[AI translation] I announced last Sunday that in the series "Family in the Bible" I would now like to preach God's message on divorce. From the two passages read, but also from the whole Bible, it seems that this message is unmistakable, clear and simple: God is against divorce! According to God's mind and will, marriage is a lifelong physical and spiritual union between a man and a woman, and any disruption of this union, whether from within or from without, is adultery, adultery, and therefore sin. Jesus considers marriage to be an indissoluble covenant, since man and woman have become one flesh in it, and he does not mention adultery as a cause of divorce, but as a fact which has already corrupted and broken the marriage. How far he does not regard fornication as an inevitable divorce is shown by his very words in this connection, when he says that if a woman who has been dismissed remarries, she breaks the marriage bond, and if a man marries a woman who has been dismissed, he also breaks the marriage bond.Let me illustrate by an example the case to which this strict statement of Jesus applies. Once a young girl came to me to announce her marriage. When I wrote down the details, it turned out that her fiancé was a divorced man. When I asked her about it, she told me with a smile, and even with a certain pride, that she and her fiancé had been working in the same office for years, that they had fallen in love, and that that was why he had divorced his wife. So, in other words, this girl had wooed someone else's husband. I told her that there was no way I could ask God's blessing on a marriage that wanted to build on the ruins of another marriage. I did not even swear to them. Of course, there are also cases where the unfaithfully abandoned woman or the abandoned man wants to remarry. That is a different case. That is quite natural, but that is not what we are talking about here, but what the apostle Paul, knowing Jesus' teaching, says so clearly: 'To those who are in marriage, I leave not myself, but the Lord, that the wife should not be put away from her husband, nor the husband from his wife.' This is the decree of God!
But in practice it is not always so simple! Because divorce does not usually start when husband and wife file for divorce against each other and begin the separation process. Divorce is not a legal act, not a court case, but a spiritual matter and problem. Its roots go far and deep. In many cases, divorce begins with the engagement and the marriage, with a rash and hasty decision. The time of engagement is seen as a forced and unpleasant waiting period until the son graduates, or until the housing problem is solved, or the stafirung is done, and then the long-awaited happy ending, the wedding, finally comes. But that's not what being engaged is for! It's for people who are attracted to each other to get to know each other. To look into each other's souls. Who will be your life partner? Can you live a whole life with him? Can she commit herself to everything, not only the outside, but also the inside: what lies behind the smiling, kind face and warm words, what kind of character, what kind of soul, what kind of faith? And can he take responsibility not only for his inner self but also for his outer self, for what we say in the oath of office 'I am content with' - can he take responsibility for his future partner's origins, his environment, himself, as he is? A young man once said of his fiancée: "It is a great sacrifice for this girl to marry me, knowing that I have been in a lung sanatorium for years!" I said to him, "If that's a sacrifice for her, she's not the girl for you. Either she can love you as you are, with your ex-TB, or don't marry her!" - The engagement is not a time to wait for fulfillment in the ecstasy of love, but to mature the conviction, the faith, that God has really destined us for a lifelong physical and spiritual life together?
Divorce often begins with an irresponsible marriage. This is why the premature marriage that is becoming fashionable today is of such dubious value. Young people, beware, for by a rash step, not discussed with God, you may make each other unhappy and miserable instead of the happiness you had dreamed of. There are so many dangers that surround a happy married life later on anyway, even if everything is not right at the beginning of the journey. But even in a marriage that has started off well, the problem of divorce very often arises. And here again, divorce starts deeper than it appears on the surface. Marriage is a physical and spiritual union of two people. The Apostle Paul emphasises both in the Word he reads. "Let the husband do his conjugal duty to his wife, - Do not separate yourselves from one another, - You cannot live in abstinence," he says. (1Cor 7,5) And at the same time he also stresses, "Make fast and pray together" - as if to say: do everything together, leave no gap between you, either in your physical or spiritual life, because it is through this gap that Satan will enter your marriage. Do not abandon one another in your physical or spiritual life, do not separate, do not divorce one another physically or spiritually - this is what the Word warns. It is at such times that the abandoned spouse tends to flee, either to drink or to work, or to take comfort in someone else. He makes up for the lack of tenderness, physical or spiritual understanding and love as best he can. He consoles himself with a substitute.
Once a man came to his pastor and said he had big problems he wanted to talk about. He was concerned about such issues as God, the world, heaven, hell, Marx and Sartre, and unfortunately, he said, he could not talk to his wife about these problems. Because his wife is very good at sewing and cooking, but not at philosophy. Without any preamble, the pastor put the question to him: does another woman play a role in his life? How did the pastor know that? "Well," said the pastor, "the one who speaks contemptuously of his own wife is obviously already internally separated from her and in danger of climbing over the fence!" This internal rupture, a gap not visible from the outside, is like a hairline crack in the jointed stones, water seeps in and the winter frost cracks the whole thing. Yes: it is through the barely perceptible hairline cracks in the jointing of physical or spiritual love that the destructive power of Satan seeps in between husband and wife, and suddenly what God has joined together is torn apart, split apart! How wise is this the command of the Word: "Do not divorce one another... be joined together, so that Satan may not tempt you." "Let not the wife put away her husband, - neither let the husband put away his wife", - not only outwardly, but inwardly! And above all, inwardly!
But what am I to do, one would ask, if my spouse commits a series of infidelities against me : it is impossible to tolerate it any longer! What am I to do, says the other, if my spouse seems to be possessed by an evil spirit, if there is no peace in the house for a minute, if he is always banging on, fighting over every little thing, making my life miserable! I can't stand it any longer! A lot of marriages break up because they simply can't stand each other any longer because of character or personality traits. And if it really seems to be untenable, isn't it better to divorce than to go on killing each other's souls? Then God's word to His children is only this, "Let not the wife put away her husband, and let not the husband put away his wife."-at least until He has done all He can to save the sick married life!
I read the other day that one of the world's most famous heart specialists, looking at the causes of heart disease, which is becoming so common in today's fast-paced world, said that he was convinced that the way to help most heart patients was not expensive drugs and doctors, but learning and regularly practising the secret of being still before God. The cause of so many heart conditions is not what biology calls the heart, but what the Bible calls the heart! Strange that the supreme specialist, Jesus Christ, gives the same advice. He says: "People, do not forget silence, go into your inner room and lock your doors and pray! There, in silence, before God, there one receives peace, wisdom, strength from above. A believer should not take his marriage, suffering from a mortal heartbreak, to the court, but to the Eternal Judge, who not only judges justly in both directions, but at the same time heals, redeems, purifies, counsels, and gives strength for forgiveness, for a new beginning, for peace and love!
But if it doesn't work! Well, divorce is always the easiest way, the easiest solution to escape from the God-given task. And the easy way always leads to spiritual impoverishment. We become rich only by being ready to tolerate, to give, to waste love! But to what limit is suffering for the sake of another acceptable, if one is really right? Well: Jesus was right when he went to the cross. And it is precisely the believing spouse who must be a follower of Christ in this sense, so that something of Christ's self-sacrifice and devotion is reflected in him! Let us free ourselves from the idol, from the desire to be happy without suffering and burden! God can bless unhappiness!
Even if marriage does not prove to be happy for the Christian man, there is another solution than divorce. The Christian man knows the secret of how to use failure and pain as stepping stones to higher heights, how to put the troubles of his life at the service of deepening his fellowship with the Lord, how to bring out of strings strung tight, as on a violin, more delicate music. It is this positive attitude to difficulties that gives new dimensions to the whole married life. And besides, a Christian man never gives up hope! For he has come to know the One who calmed the raging sea, healed the sick, raised the dead, conquered death, bound Satan, forgave sins; and that is why he believes all along that this same blessed One, Jesus Christ, is not only the Counsellor but also the Saviour of marriage!
Amen
Date: 21 October 1956 (Family in the Bible IV)