[AI translation] First of all, I would like to draw your attention to something that seems very natural, but is extremely important. That the words we are reading from the Bible are the words of Jesus. In other words, the thought, the counsel, the will of God. It is for those who seek divine advice and opinion in this matter of divorce. Those who know that the whole problem of marriage, all its affairs, are in God's hands, and receive them from His. Those who have already committed themselves to each other in marriage in such a way that God has "structured" them together. Those who have not claimed this edifying work of God, do not even undertake it in faith, that is, for whom marriage is a purely human enterprise, for whom divorce is also the result of purely human deliberation, and the conduct of a purely administrative matter. Most marriages carry the possibility and prospect of divorce in their very inception. Nor is it built on a foundation, a divine foundation, which can withstand the dead-against-dead-again. But we are not talking here about such a marriage, but about the marriage of Christian people. It is about people who have not left out of this great decision of their lives, and will not leave out the author of marriage: God. Those who have married before God, whose marriage was made by God.Sadly, life shows so many examples of how even such a marriage can go wrong. Even in such marriages, things do not work out as they had hoped and wished. There are also many bad marriages in the lives of people who count on God. Extremely many. So much so that once, when we were discussing such problems, someone asked the question in this way: Is there a good marriage? Thank God, there is. It's just not talked about, because it's not interesting, it's not something to gossip about, which is what outsiders are so keen to do. In any case, I myself know from a quarter of a century of pastoral experience that there are many marriages that have gone badly wrong, and many so-called good marriages are not very good either. It is not love, it is not faith that holds them together, it is just some kind of plaster bandage. It is cold from the inside out, bitter, hardened, dead. It's just still plastered together. This plaster can be many things: social appearances, financial considerations, family interests, children - but spiritually and physically it is no longer what it should be. It's not a marriage, it's just a sad, poor slump. Who can tell how much secret suffering, sighing, injustice is eating away at souls in a so-called good marriage? Why a woman's eyes are so light, why a man's conduct lacks all vigour and eloquence? They have nothing to say to each other, nothing to give. Oh, how easy it is then to say or give to someone else what they no longer have for each other. Even if there is no talk of a third, even if the question of divorce has not yet arisen, it is still common for husband and wife to live together. What a tedious, tiresome burden even a marriage that started out really well can become!
Yes, because the fault lies in most people's attitude to marriage. Novels tend to end with the lovers finally being together and living happily ever after. And this novelistic idea lives on in many, many people. "When we get married, everything will be fine", young people used to say. But in life, that's not usually the case. Marriage is not an end point, but a starting point. The problems and difficulties of life only really come afterwards. In a really good marriage, you have to fight hard and constantly against the deterioration of the marriage. A happy marriage is not like sitting in a good comfortable armchair, but like a tiring climb up a mountain. In between there are beautiful, glittering peaks, but there are also shadowy valleys and even threatening, dizzying precipices. There is indeed a lot of struggle, perhaps even suffering, but above all a lot, a lot of praying, so that happiness and peace may remain in the marriage. Love is not something that just stays bright, pure and strong by itself. Love must be constantly tended, maintained like a household, nourished like a fire, practised like a piece of piano music. Happiness in marriage is not like a lottery ticket, with which one is either lucky or unlucky, which one cannot control or influence. The love that binds two people together is a gift from God, but the maintenance and care of this gift is entrusted to the spouses! To marry happily is undoubtedly a great and good thing, but to celebrate a silver or golden wedding happily is even greater and better!
But if the marriage is not a happy one, what then? Do you know the root cause of most marital problems and therefore divorce? It is precisely the claiming of the so-called right to happiness. But what about my happiness?" someone said the other day. "I am so terribly unhappy in this marriage! Let me say something very seriously here, which only people of faith can really understand: claiming the right to happiness is totally unbiblical thinking. And also that a marriage stands or falls on happiness. Anyone who has ever stood before the cross of Christ as a truly sinful person in his or her life knows very well that there is no "right" to anything but judgment, to death. He knows that it is in itself a great grace to him if God is willing to give him any more work and service. There is a great deal of irresponsible playing with so-called happiness or unhappiness in modern marriages. The believer has the right not to be happy, but to make the other happy! It is not your own feelings and desires that are important first and foremost, but the marriage that is solemnly vowed before God. Therefore, for the sake of marriage, he must be able to lose his own feelings, desires, let us say happiness. How Jesus says: "He who loses his life for my sake will find it" (Mt 10,39) This is the wonderful gain that comes from obedience and faithfulness to God. Yes, whoever wants to keep his life - let us say his happiness, his ideas - loses it, and whoever loses it, dares to lose it, finds it. This is a constant divine truth. So there is no need to immediately think of divorce if one is not happy!
I have heard it many times: please, it was not true love with my husband (wife) then, but now I have found the right one! It happens, I know. Even in the best of marriages, it happens that one of the partners later meets someone - unfortunately, they have plenty of opportunities, especially at work - and their heart leaps and they feel that this person would be a better partner in every way than their own. Apart from the fact that he or she might not be more suitable, but even if he or she were, you can't just walk out of a marriage like a bus going the wrong way. You can be caught up in a torrent of emotions, but we are human beings, not animals, to be able to resist such a torrent. We are not instinctual creatures, moved only by the moods and desires of the moment, or even by deep feelings, but also spiritual beings with a moral responsibility: spiritual beings responsible to children, family, God, human beings who can and must fight against their own rising desires and emotional upheavals! Even in such serious cases, divorce is not the solution. In fact, divorce is no solution at all, divorce is bankruptcy. It is a bankruptcy of faith, of good will, of fidelity, of life. It is a bankruptcy, just as amputation is a bankruptcy of medical science. Yes, a doctor amputates a patient's leg when his whole science has failed. Of course, sometimes you have to, because it is the only way to save a life. So it is with divorce. There are cases where the only way to save a life is to divorce a woman or children. But this is the last one!
Despite the many unsuccessful attempts at reconciliation in my pastoral practice, I can say that it is rare that a case is completely hopeless. One must fight to the end to save a marriage! To fight, together, not against each other, but together against difficulties and dangers. Not to agonise, not to struggle, not to pray how to get out of this marriage, but how to stay in this marriage. Marriage problems can only be overcome if we know that they must be overcome. Just as there are periods of crisis in human life, there are periods of crisis in the life of a marriage. Even spouses who have lived together for 30 or 40 years could have divorced many times over if they had not been able to overcome the many crises that have occurred over these decades and overcome them with a common will. But they knew they had to win! The result taught them that the so-called absolute untenable condition could still be overcome through self-denial, perseverance, faith, faith and prayer. True faithfulness does not leave its post even when it feels deeply unhappy. He who subordinates his own need for happiness to the requirement of loyalty to God will win the battle. The wonderful thing is that then the happiness so much desired will not be lost. Faithfulness and obedience to God will always have its reward, even if only children will receive and enjoy it.
How understandable that Jesus is so opposed to divorce, is it not? After all, it is that very happiness that he protects. Even if the other party wants a divorce, one does not give up hope of saving the marriage! Even if only one spouse fights for the marriage with his or her own love and faithfulness, he or she can count on God to be on his or her side! He is not fighting alone! As long as his faith endures, it is certainly not impossible that he will win. Until then, he will certainly not remain helpless and helpless, powerless. Then he will certainly have the strength to bear the heaviest cross. And then he will realize that suffering and failure can be used as a stepping stone to higher goals. It is through marital complications that he will come into an even deeper relationship with God. In communion with God, even a disharmonious marriage can become a means of playing ever more beautiful music on the stretched strings of the soul. God can therefore bless an unhappy marriage. It is then that one learns the secret of what it means to forgive, to forgive and to trust. And then everything can truly be miraculously set right again.
"Behold, I make all things new" (Revelation 21:5b) is one of Jesus' most powerful statements. Jesus can renew a marriage in ruins. With him we are free, we can, we can know, we can dare, we can want to start all over again. Then even the most hopeless knots and complications can be untied. And then the husband will find his way back to the wife, the wife to her husband, the parents to their children, the children to their parents. Marriage can once again become what it was expected to be when young, what God intended it to be: a gift, a blessing, and a fulfilling task that enriches one's life!
Amen
Date: 23 February 1964.
Lesson
Mk 10,1-12