[AI translation] Predication: my dear children! We have already discussed such questions here once, and I would have liked to say something about them myself, but then something else always came up, and we could not continue the topic as we should have. I would now like to go back to where we were about a month ago on these issues. I would now like to read a verse, but in full, which is very long. This is Genesis 24.By way of an introduction, let me just say that when I was a student, when I was a young man, there was a play in one of the theatres in Budapest, and I can only remember the title of it now. What the content of the play was afterwards, I don't remember at all, but the title was very interesting: marriages are made in heaven. It is an operetta title and obviously had some operetta content, but that is not the important thing. It was the title itself that really struck me, because the title in itself expresses a very serious biblical truth: that marriages really do take place in heaven, real marriages. So let me say that a true marriage is one that is made in heaven.
As it says here in the verse, 'The Lord has guided me in this my way' (24,27b). Then we read, 'This is the Lord's doing' (50b). Then we read, 'Let it be done as the Lord has done' (51c) - so really, as if it all happened so well and so smoothly, so splendidly, because someone had already made arrangements. Because in somebody's mind it was already so. So the ones who found each other here, Isaac and Rebekah, were those whom the Lord had made for each other in some way. What we were talking about just a month ago in connection with another verse, "I will make him a helper, a helper to match him" (Genesis 2:18b), that is, that behind the marriage
- behind the marriage of believers - is God. The idea of God.
So it is not as if a man and a woman drift together, as an autumn wind drifts two falling leaves together. Not by chance, not by chance, but really somehow by the will of God. Somehow the will of God is behind it. In other words, marriage goes far back beyond getting to know each other and loving each other, all the way to heaven, to the mind of God, to the will of God. It is indeed made in heaven. Let me put it this way: it would be very good if it were so, that marriages were made in heaven. I wish all of you to have marriages that were made in heaven, before, and were made on this earth.
I say this because it would be very nice if it were so, because unfortunately it is not always so. Indeed, there are many sad examples that we have before us that show how many marriages are not made in heaven. I have in my hands one of the most exciting books in the world: Hungarian Statistical Pocketbook, 1964. So the latest statistical pocketbook, I recommend it to everyone for reading and study. In it you can find the following data on summary data on marriages and divorces:
In 1938, the total number of marriages was 74,000. The number of divorces was 5 thousand. In 1963, the total number of marriages was 84,000 and the total number of divorces was 18,000.
From 1938 to 1963, the number of divorces increased as follows: 5 thousand, 12 thousand, 16 thousand, 17 thousand,
18 thousand. Here is another figure. This is also very interesting. The distribution of divorces by age. Between the ages of 30-34, 20% male,
29% female, between 35-39 years 16% male, 14% female. 40-49 years old 19%
19% male, 15% female, and over 50 years of age 16% male, 10% female.
So divorce is a constant from age 25 to 50. That is why I said that unfortunately not all marriages are made in heaven. Because the marriages that do take place in heaven do not take place in this way, they cannot end in this way, as we have seen here, with such a sad divorce. How much sadness there is in a divorce is known only to those who have seen some, or who have gone through one themselves. For those marriages which are truly made in heaven, it is true that "What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder" (Matthew 19:6b). It is known that God has joined it together, and that if God has joined it together, man cannot separate it.
The vast majority of marriages are not made in heaven. But where?
At house parties, or in espresso parlours, or in brokerages, or by parental artifice, or in total recklessness, as someone quoted a film just the other day, where they met in the evening, married in the morning, and the next evening they were thinking about how to divorce properly.
Of course, that does not mean that if they meet in a place like an espresso bar or a house party or a cinema or a company or an ice rink that it cannot be a good marriage. Clearly it doesn't. But it does mean something, where they met, how they met. Whenever a young couple comes to me to announce their wedding, I always ask them, among other things: where did they meet? How did they recognise each other as their future husband and wife? How did they make sure that this was the one God had destined? It is an interesting question, and I would suggest that the next time someone from this company gets married or gets married, let us testify from this point of view, how it happened, how it happened, how they came to this point, how they made sure. I recommend this because it will be instructive for all of us.
But it's not where they met that is the most important thing, it's more important than that: how to find out whether God really wants this man to marry this woman, and not this man to marry another woman, and this woman to marry another man. Whether it is really God's will, or whether it is just rape by parents, or whether it is just rape by relatives, or whether it is just a sudden passion that makes you feel that way. Perhaps one's own heart is deceiving one, or some other interest is calling for it.
Well, then: does God really want it? How can you know which of the thousands and millions of women is the one that God has destined for you, and which of the thousands and millions of men is the one that God has destined for you?
God has ordained for you, the one who is truly the helper of God?
I read this story because it is a beautiful illustration of this very problem. It shows in a beautiful story that parents and young people alike do the right thing when they seek God's will, when they seek God's guidance. Let us look at the story itself a little more closely.
We see that first Abraham makes his servant swear that he will not take a wife for his son from a stranger, but will go back to his own kin and seek a wife for him from there. In today's language, I could say it briefly like this:
Abraham will not allow his son to marry a mixed marriage. Abraham's requirement for his son's marriage is, first and foremost, that the young people be of one faith. And let me tell you from experience, dear boys and girls, Abraham is unheard of right. For I, who have been involved in many marriages and witnessed many family complications, know how much trouble and misery can arise from the mere fact that the spouses are not of one faith. Indeed, from the mere fact that faith, the faith of the person, of the other party, of the partner, plays so little part in the marriage ceremony or in the preparation for it.
Another. It is a rare thing that, for example, a very intelligent Roman Catholic mother once said to me. She came to me and said: your Eminence, my son is Reformed, I myself am Roman Catholic. I would ask you, Your Eminence, to try to bring my son into the Reformed fold, because I definitely want my son to marry a Reformed girl.
I tell you, it is a very rare thing. The important thing would be that the company should already be chosen by the young people and the parents for the young people in such a way that this aspect: being of one faith, is secured as far as possible for the future. Parents should also be very careful in this respect, and young people should also be very careful that they are not exposed to the temptation of taking a wife from a stranger, or taking a wife from a stranger, or taking a spouse out of spiritual strangeness.
Young people should look around them and start the process of choosing a partner with the precondition that this aspect - being of the same faith - should be an absolute requirement for them. If you want to know who is the one man out of many, many thousands, the one God has destined for you, or the one girl out of many, many thousands, the one God has destined for you, then you have already narrowed the field, because I could say that you should look for her first and foremost within your own faith, within the circle of your own faith, among those of your own faith. In this way, a whole bunch of delicate questions are eliminated, which tend to spoil the happiness of young people from the very beginning, tend to poison them. All those discussions about which church to swear in, how to solve the reversal problem, what the parents will say if we do it this way or that way, the teacher, the aunt, the American uncle, everybody, everybody has a good idea, everybody has a violent ambition, and in the end it is the happiness of the young people that is the drinker of the soup.
I would like to stress that the aim is not to marry just anyone, that is not the aim at all. So when young people are looking for a partner for themselves, they should not only consider education, not only good manners, not only the colour of the hair and eyes, but also very seriously consider the faith of their partner, their whole life of faith.
Now, what I have said so far does not mean that a marriage of mixed religions can never be a good marriage, and that a marriage of people of the same religion will always be a good marriage. Unfortunately, that is not the case at all. Practice shows otherwise, because a true mixed marriage is not one where one party is Reformed and the other is not Reformed, but a true mixed marriage is one where one party is a believer and the other is not. That is a true mixed marriage. And a non-believer is certainly not suitable for a believer as a spouse. What the Scripture says is true: "Do not be with unbelievers in a mixed yoke" (2 Cor 6:14a).
It is not precisely the first requirement that a Reformed daughter should be married to a Reformed son, or vice versa, but it is certainly the first requirement that a believer in Christ should be married to a believer in Christ. It can happen, because love is ultimately such an unpredictable thing that if it takes you by surprise, it is very difficult to control whether a Reformed boy will be attracted to a non-Reformed girl or vice versa, but you must always make sure that he is a believer.
To believe in Christ seriously is not only possible in the Reformed Church, that is our confession. Jesus Himself said, "I have other sheep also, which are not of this fold" (John 10:16a), but even if they are of another fold, they must be Christ's sheep, belonging to Christ's flock. So then, even among those who are of different faiths, if they both belong to Christ, spiritual unity and spiritual fellowship can be found.
I have seen and experienced the curse of the half yoke many times. I do not wish it on anyone, I wish to spare everyone from it. It is not true what people say at such times: it is true that he is not a believer now, but I will lead him to faith, because that is not usually what happens. Marriage is not a mission, you know? Marriage is not a mission, you can't start out with the goal: it's true that the other person is not a believer, but I will convert him, I will "evangelise" him, "missionise" him! This is not usually what happens in practice.
In the case of mixed marriages, you must be even more careful of what Abraham says: "But if the girl will not come with you, you shall be delivered from my hand; only do not take my son back there" (Genesis 24:8). So if God has given you a different religion, at least make sure that he does not take you away.
Again, let me tell you from experience that nothing can alienate a man from his church, from his prayer, from his faith, from Christ, from God, like marriage. Many times, reversals are given quite easily by people of whom one would least have thought. But there have been many times when someone has been very zealous in youth work or Sunday school ministry, a pillar of the congregation, and then after a while we began to notice that he was falling behind, we saw him less and less, and then one day he was completely gone. When we went to find out the reason, it turned out to be a marriage in the making. It's a mixed marriage. So, if you want to know who is the right partner for you from God, it is also good to ask this question: is this marriage in the making taking me away from the church, from Christ, or not? Or does it make me more attached to it? Does this relationship with this boy or girl bring me closer to God, or does it take me away from God? A very important point.
Then let me draw attention to another aspect which is particularly tragically topical today. Thus our verse says in describing Rebekah: "And the damsel was fair of face, a virgin, and a man knew her not yet."
(24,16) From this verse, let me also draw the requirement that only those who are still free can be your future spouse. Who is not yet anybody's. If he is already someone's, he is certainly not ordained by God for you.
It often happens that a girl falls in love with another woman's husband. It happens that a son falls in love with another man's wife. Surely this love is not of the Lord. It is a dead certainty! God will not put a feeling in your heart that does not lead you straight to happiness.
Once a young girl came to me, in the pastor's office. She smiled sweetly, she was very cheerful. You could see she was very happy. I immediately thought that she had come to announce a marriage, to discuss a wedding. He told me he was really getting married. I started to take down the details. I asked the girl: please, why did your dear fiancé divorce? And she said, with pride, "Because of me. As it turned out, she worked in the same office with this man, and as a result of their work together they had somehow become closer, they had grown fond of each other, and he thought that he could help it by divorcing his wife and marrying this girl. I said to the girl: 'Look, my dear, if you can find a priest who dares to ask the Lord's blessing on your future marriage, look for one. I dare not. You know you can't build a happy marriage on the ruins of another man's happiness. God will not bless a marriage vow of fidelity that can only be made at the cost of breaking another marriage vow of fidelity. There is only a straight path to happiness.
Let me read a short story in this regard. I translated this little short story from a Dutch book. People from the village go to an old religious man, a hermit, and talk to him about their problems.
One day a young woman was climbing up the road to the cave. Her skin was dewy, her dark hair flowing in waves around her pretty face. 'Father,' she said, 'my heart is swollen with longing for happiness. I am young and strong, and I know that there is some great happiness for me, but it always runs away from me again, and life always becomes so miserably poor at such times. I see it as if my happiness is somewhere in the distance, and I know that if I could reach it, everything would change at once. My grey life would be rich and meaningful and beautiful all at once. Father, I have prayed for it, that I might have what my heart so longs for, but in vain. Now the desire is so great that it almost crushes my strength. What can I do to finally achieve my happiness?
The hermit answered. But you will never get true happiness if you take the wrong path. Therefore, you must move away from what you hope to achieve happiness from.
I can't
"I cannot depart from it," replied the woman. 'Happiness means more to me than life itself,' she turned quickly and hurried back to the inhabited countryside.
Barely a year had passed before she was standing again at the hermit's cave. "Father," he said.
- you were right. I could only find happiness by walking the wrong path. That false thing has happened, and what means happiness to me is now mine. But miraculously, you were also right that it is not happiness anymore.
The gray man nodded at him, silent and sad, but said nothing. 'Father,' continued the woman, 'is there no real happiness for me? Now the old man did not answer a word, but only shook his grey head and looked into the distance, as if searching there for an answer to the woman's question. Then he shook his head in denial, and she understood.
'Then it is not worth living any longer,' she said, and the ring in her young voice seemed to grow huskier. Suddenly she looked almost old. She wanted to leave, but the hermit urged her to stay. 'There is something more than happiness,' she said slowly. Something that will never pass. Peace.
Peace?" repeated the woman, and at first she felt that it was a poor compensation for the happiness for which her soul yearned with such immense longing. But as soon as she met the deep look that beamed at her from that wrinkled face, she understood that something was going on here, the greatness of which was still hidden from her. "Peace?" he repeated again, mechanically, and added: "Tell me, Father, how does a man get peace?
'One must make some sacrifice for it,' replied the grey man. 'Another may have to fight a great battle, a third may have to take up a heavy cross, but we must all bow before the voice of God speaking from the depths of our souls. The woman looked at the old man, nodded silently, and started down the road towards the valley.
Another year had passed, and the woman stood before the hermit again. Father! You were right again. I have made the sacrifice, I have listened to the voice of God speaking in the depths of my soul. I no longer seek happiness, but I have found peace. - So you too, seek your mate among those who are still free! Who belongs to no one.
Then again, another aspect of this biblical story that seems a little strange to us is the power parents have over their young. In fact, they are the only ones with authority, the young people have no say in the matter, they just obey as the parents have decided. The will of the parents is then done by the young people. Of course, that is no longer the case, and it is right that it is not, because that is not the point, but there is a very serious lesson to be learned from this. The blessing of parents is very important in a future marriage or in the preparation for it. Parental consent. It is not as if the parent chooses a future husband for his child. Don't choose! Don't even want to choose! It is a parent's duty to advise his child on this matter, but it is forbidden to interfere in his child's problems. To interfere with power, to interfere with command. Something bad always comes out of it. But even if not to interfere, it is the duty of the parent to advise. The question of what the parents say when a future marriage takes place is a very important one. Whether the parents are in agreement, whether they can give their parental blessing with a good heart. Remember, children, without parental blessing it is not good to embark on such a journey.
Finally, the most important thing here is that the emphasis is on: everyone trusting God to help young people find each other. Abraham says to his servant, "The Lord ... will send his angel before you" (v. 7). The servant praises him, "The Lord has guided me in this my way" (27b) - so if we believe that God is actually behind marriage, and that God is the author of that marriage, and that it is not we who choose it, but the Lord, then we should also believe that the Lord brings together those whom he has destined for each other in some way. The Lord will send his angel before the interested parties in some way so that they will find each other. If we believe in this, how much unnecessary crafting and worrying we will be spared, which tends to confuse things rather than smooth things over nicely.
God makes His will known to those who earnestly seek it. It is a very good thing if a young believer girl has one or two young believer girlfriends, or a young believer boy has two or three young believer boyfriends, so that when the question becomes topical, he can discuss it with his girlfriends or his friends, because love means that one is not quite normal at that moment. You can't be quite objective in your judgement. It is good to have young friends who are objective in their judgement, but who listen to the Lord, and you can consult them about the case, ask their opinion and seek the Lord's will together in prayer.
The servant, in prayer, asks the Lord to show him a sign. Marriage must be prepared for. There are many ways to prepare, but one of the most important ways to prepare for marriage is prayer. You can pray right now for the one God has set apart for you. It's okay if you don't know who it is yet. God already knows. And if you pray for him now, you are already praying for a specific person. And whoever entrusts this question, this very important question of his life to God, can be quite sure that God will see to it that he will give the right sign when it is needed.
Finally, let me just say this: marriage is not a private matter, or not just a private matter, but one of the most important public matters. It is in the public interest of the whole country to have a happy marriage, a happy family life. The law lays down how marriage is to be celebrated, and very well it does, but you cannot regulate the happiness of marriage by law. For that we need the guidance of God and the blessing of God.
The whole society will be happy when marriages are truly made in heaven again.
Amen
Date: 1965 (Youth Bible Study).