The antidote to loneliness

[AI translation] On the basis of what I have just read from the letter to the Romans, I would like to talk about a spiritual illness and recovery from a spiritual illness that perhaps most people in the world suffer from today: a sense of loneliness. Someone once said that loneliness is the secret wound of our times, and we don't like to talk about it. But that is why it should be talked about! First of all, let's make a clear distinction between the concepts of loneliness and solitude. The two have essentially nothing to do with each other. Not everyone who lives alone is a lonely soul and vice versa. A person can be so alone in the world that he has no one to look after him, no one to welcome him home, no one to say goodnight to him in the evening, and yet he is not lonely. On the other hand, one can be terribly lonely inside, even if one is surrounded by a large, noisy circle of family or friends. Being alone is not tragic, loneliness is! There can be many good things in being alone. Nietzsche called solitude the refuge of the wise man. In solitude one is truly at home with oneself. Solitude, even if sometimes difficult and bitter, can be a blessing for man, where he comes to a deeper self-knowledge, introspection, introspection. The greatest spiritual greats have always sought opportunities for solitude. John the Baptist withdrew into the wilderness, far from everything. Jesus spent many nights alone, praying in a desert place. Regularly seeking solitude is not unnatural, it is the normal breathing of a healthy soul. Solitude is the condition for the unfolding of the personality, the secret workshop of the creative "I". It is in solitude that man finds himself again and again.Perhaps one of the greatest problems is that many solitary souls do not dare to be alone... They are afraid of being alone. But one is different from the other. Alone is a physical state, and loneliness is a spiritual state. The essence of solitude is that one is temporarily separated, isolated from the other, while one's inner relationship with the other remains intact and unbroken. And solitude means that the connection with the other is broken; even if one is physically with the other, even if one talks to the other, even if one sits at the same table with the other, one does not really reach - spiritually - the other, the soul of the other, even if one is close to the other. Perhaps her husband or her child, even if she has no real contact with him, no communion with him, even if she attends a large gathering of people, she never really meets the other. In the most intimate family circle as well as in the tumult of the street, the factory, or the pay-roll - she is lonely. Working together, relaxing, having fun, laughing or moping, and yet always alone, in his own private cage...This is not good for man. That is what God says: "It is not good for man to be alone." Here alone means loneliness, the absence of the other. Because man is made for the other, for the other, the whole of human existence is set up for the other, for the other. Man is not enough in himself, man is complemented by the other man, he becomes a complete man through the other. Without the other, man is oppressed. It is only in relationship with the other, in community, that he attains complete self-realization even in his own individuality. Just as the suspension bridge is held up by two pillars and thus receives the necessary tension, so the whole human existence depends on the "I" and the "you". Only through the "you" can man be truly "I". So there is only one way out of loneliness, out of this tormenting feeling of life, the way that leads to the "you". That is why the Apostle Paul was never a lonely soul. Yet he was alone. Neither his father nor his mother were alive when we met him. He never had a partner, a child or a brother. As he roams the mountains of Asia Minor and the Greek coast, as he tosses and turns in the great seas and prisons, one might say, "Oh, what a poor, orphaned, homeless soul! But he never is! He was never lonely even in the most abandoned solitude! His whole spirit and mood were the very opposite of all the loneliness that so many people suffer from today, often perhaps unconsciously. But what was the secret of this? Well, we find out from this short personal testimony he writes here to the church in Rome. Thus he confesses to people he has never seen in his life: "I thank my God for you all, for God is my witness, that I remember you continually, praying always in my prayers..." It is almost touching how he opens his arms wide in prayer, so that he can embrace many, many human lives and problems with his supplication. He cares for them, even though he doesn't know them yet, he feels a responsibility towards them, even though he doesn't know who they are. All he knows is that they feel the need of the great help they can receive from God through his intercession for them. So he prays for them "without ceasing", that is, regularly, deeply, thoroughly, persistently, and again and again... And if Paul says it like that, it is a serious thing for him. The most serious concern for another's problems and troubles is to come before God in this way, to be able to pray for him. How much Paul must have prayed! For he prayed in this way not only for the church in Rome, but for all the others. And he prayed not for himself, but for the other person. I think that Paul forgot himself, his heart was so full of the concerns of others.
Here is one of the really powerful antidotes to the feeling of loneliness: start really praying for others, for acquaintances and strangers! For people nice and unpleasant, friends and enemies. But like Paul did! Whoever can pray for others can no longer be lonely, because he embraces human souls, human lives and human problems with the arms of his soul before God! The oppressive feeling of loneliness comes from the misunderstanding that "no one cares about me". But the lonely person is not the one who is not cared for by others, but the one who does not care enough for others. Prayer for others: the most serious care for others. The lonely one is not the one whose heart remains closed to others, but the one whose heart remains closed to others. In praying for others, the heart is opened to others and loneliness is removed. If you are lonely and feel that no one needs you, no one thinks of you, no one cares about you, start to pray - earnestly and deeply - for others. Not for your sympathetic acquaintances, but rather for people you may never have thought about in prayer before. Praying for others will save you from loneliness!
Secondly, Paul also prays that "if only once a goodly way would be given me by the will of God to come to you, for I long to see you!" And we know from the Book of Acts that Paul later did so, indeed, overcoming many obstacles and enduring unheard of hardships and sacrifices, he went to Rome and visited the brethren there. This is one of the powerful antidotes to loneliness: to go to the other, to follow the other, to visit the other, to care for the other. Paul didn't need to be nagged to go and see this or that brother or sister, this or that congregation. He was driven by an inner compulsion, by his heart. He says: "I wish to see you." He who does not wish to see the other, who shuts himself off from the other, who never goes to see the other person, should not be surprised if he becomes lonely. Again I can only say: it is not the lonely one who is abandoned by others, but the one who abandons the other. It is not the lonely one to whom no one ever opens the door, but the one who never visits the other. It is not the lonely one who is never addressed by someone with kind interest, but the one who does the same to the other! Not the lonely one whose hand is let go, but the one who lets go of the other's hand.
I know, many people would say: but who has time for that, to go after someone, to visit the other? You don't get to do that with all the other things you have to do. Well: look at what Paul does: He asks God for the occasion, the way, the opportunity, the time. He who so asks, will certainly receive. Moody, the great American evangelist, prayed daily that the Lord would give him an opportunity to witness to someone today. We, too, must ask God where He wants to send us, who is the other whose door is to be knocked on. If you are in loneliness, ask in prayer: and God will open the way for you to someone, to another. He will send you not to the one you would like to go to anyway, but to the one who would like to see you already. Maybe to another lonely soul, a patient lying in a hospital bed, or a helpless old man - the other one! The one who helps to alleviate, to dispel the loneliness of another, will never suffer from loneliness himself!
And here is something else we see in Paul - behold, he says: "To the Greek and to the barbarian, to the wise and to the ignorant, I am obliged" - Yes, "I am obliged!" Paul feels he is indebted to all men. He is indebted to the other. Happy man! I say happy because the opposite of this is one of the unhappiest types of man, the one who feels that the other owes him a debt. He demands, expects to be surrounded by the respect and appreciation he is due from others. I say again: it is not the lonely soul who is not loved enough by others, but the one who cannot love others enough. It is the unlovingness, the indifference in our own hearts towards others that makes us truly lonely. A person who has received forgiveness of sins, grace, is forever bound - to God! God is the creditor, what you owe Him, you can give it by giving it to another person. You have received and continue to receive from God help, kindness, love, forgiveness, blessing. Everything you receive from God, you owe to the other person. You are obliged. You are in debt. The other day I wanted to reward a doctor for his efforts. He didn't accept it, but said: what you owe me, give it to the church charity. In a way, so does our Lord. He says: the love, the gratitude you owe me, redeem it for a fellow human being in need. But again, not to the one to whom you feel indebted anyway because of some favour he has done you, but always to the other person who may not even be able to repay your favour.
It would be so nice to live in this world, because a little kindness, a little attention, a little kind word - not even love - can make someone's life so beautiful! And you, who know Jesus: you owe this little one! With this little good you owe to another. And, unfortunately, a little carelessness - not even anger, not even hatred, just a little thoughtlessness - can make someone's life so miserable... Paul was indebted to everyone with the gospel. Good news! Jesus! We too have a duty to show the world, every other human being, that God's gospel in Jesus is real! The power to comfort others, to give joy to others, to empower others, the power of God! Whoever feels this debt to the other and tries to repay it will never be lonely. For behold, he experiences what Paul experienced, "That we may be exalted together through the faith of one another, yours and mine." For man not only gives, but always receives. Moreover, when he gives the most, he receives the most. And when he gives himself fully, he finds himself fully. He who loses his life will find it! It is an eternal truth against loneliness.
Finally: it is the truly lonely soul who is without the great OTHER, without the great YOU - without God! But why should the lonely man be without God? For we have a God who has followed man even into the depths of loneliness! Look: on Calvary there is God in the person of Jesus, totally subdued, sunk into the deepest solitude. God - in solitude. In my solitude, in your solitude! You hear him complaining, crying out, "My God, why have you forsaken me?" There was no more terrible loneliness in this world. But where God is so present, there is no more loneliness! There neither you, nor I, nor any of us can be a lonely soul any more!
Amen
Date: 1 December 1968.